April 2011
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“Once upon a time, a woman was picking up firewood. She came upon a poisonous...”
– Natural Born Killers
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“If you live each day as if it were your last, you will one day certainly be...”
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Abdullah worshiped for four hundred years, then occupied himself
with the singing of a bird on a tree in the garden of his house. He
was repaid for this by God ceasing to love him.
-Farid al-din al’Attar al-Nisaburi
The Conference of the Birds
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“Man, i really wish i had deaf and blind friends now!”
– Krista Cavestany, being an exemplary human being since 1991.
A conversation at the grownup table, as imagined...
MOM: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.
DAD: O.K.
GRANDMOTHER: Did you see the politics? It made me angry.
DAD: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex.
UNCLE: I’m having sex right now.
DAD: We all are.
MOM: Let’s talk about which kid I like the best.
DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won’t tell.
MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell.
FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
MOM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!
DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!
MOM: Now everything is fine.
DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.
MOM: There was a big sex.
FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest!
(Everybody laughs.)
MOM: I had a lot of wine, and now I’m crazy!
GRANDFATHER: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like?
ALL: Yes.
GRANDFATHER: Don’t tell the kids.
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9:41 PM 4/9/2010
don’t get mad, get depressing! what? you heard me.
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